Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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