I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
