When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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