the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
