im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
