both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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