It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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