I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
