my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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