I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
