He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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