Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
