plz talk dirty to me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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