Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
