Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
