what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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