shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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