I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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