I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
