I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
