Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
