You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
