Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
