You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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