yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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