On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
