I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
