Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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