Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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