I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had to coat check the pizza.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
