why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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