did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
