I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
