Christians are straight up FREAKS
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
