I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
