I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
