Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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