do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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