On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
