God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
