Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
