I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
