tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
