U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
