My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
