Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
