he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
