Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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