I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
