Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
