Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
