is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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