New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
