i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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