I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
