He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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