Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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