i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
